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Excerpts from Cheryl's memoirs:
Thoughts on Living with Weight Issues
Most of my life, I have been "hiding" because of my weight - ultimately keeping me from living life fully and confidently. It is so hard not to react to things - with old feelings from the past about being overweight.
As a chubby prepubescent child, I got teased and taunted. It was devastating. I remember being spit upon by boys while riding my bike in my small town neighborhood - just because I was a chubby little kid. During adolescence, I was pushed, kicked and jeered from behind while walking home from grade school in a larger metropolitan city, and made fun of when I was a freshman in high school, especially during gym class and in the halls. (hair pulling, shoving and fat/ugly remarks). What makes people loathe an overweight person so much?
When I was pre-adolescent, my mom would occasionally buy me clothes that didn't fit. She said I had until a certain time (before Easter, for example) to diet and lose the weight. I remember some of the tags never came off of those clothes. They never did fit. Ever.
My mother always used to say to me in my late teens, that I was an ugly duckling who turned into a swan. I never took that as a compliment - because to me, it insinuated that I was not acceptable in my "before" condition. I was still me inside and out, minus 75lbs. I wonder what she thinks now that I have reverted back to "the ugly duckling status," being in my 40's with those 75 extra pounds having returned?
Some people are overweight all of their lives and have not lived a life of being a normal weight. I started to drop those pounds between my freshman and sophomore years of high school. After touring Europe at 15 years of age one summer, I returned to my sophomore year looking totally different: different clothes, attitude, lifestyle. Suddenly, I was asked to pledge in a sorority, be on the pep squad, and asked out on dates. I accepted some of the offers and soon found that something was missing. I had many acquaintances and activities, but didn't really bond with many within those groups.
I had a secret. I still identified with those people who were out cast for whatever reasons: weight issues (too skinny/too fat), unattractive, druggies, social misfits. While my peers [within these groups] were taunting others for their indifferences, I cringed. By the time my junior year rolled around, I had dropped out of those social groups. I struggled to maintain my svelte image during my junior and senior years, by doing drugs. I never dated anyone from high school. I only dated people over 18 years of age.
I grew up with money, so I did not work until I was 19 or so. I was given a car when I was 16. All expenses were paid by my parents; including gas, insurance, repairs and living expenses. I had very little supervision during my teen years. It was not uncommon for my parents to go away for a week or the weekend, leaving my younger brother and I alone in a fully stocked, 23 room house. That usually meant wild parties and drugs. We were envied by our friends for that freedom - and feared by their parents because of our unsupervised lifestyles and available funds and transportation.
I struggled with my weight after high school. That same 75 lbs was slowly creeping back into my life. Although I worked out and lifted weights, I would go through years of weight increases and decreases. A pattern was developing. When I was fit, I was popular and embraced. When I gained the weight, I was unacceptable and loathed for being such a sloth.
I am amazed at how people with obvious differences are treated. If I am fat, I am regarded as stupid, lazy, unkempt, out of control - a sloth. Yet when I am at a fairly normal weight, I am noticed and regarded with much more respect and admiration. Prejudice often occurs within the medical community, regarding the obese patient. Many healthcare workers are actually repulsed at the obese. It is not uncommon to find a decrease in the quality of medical care for the obese.
If I were severely disfigured or missing a limb, those same people who judged my body fat - would now likely not show their repulse. They would sneak a peak and look away - being polite - and never think to mention the physical deformities. Why then do those same people feel compelled to look upon me with open disgust and unsolicited commentary when I am overweight? I am truly amazed.
What is it about being overweight that seems to give the offended party permission to make rude and unsolicited remarks? How is being obese any different from other unsightly outward appearances? I've heard several different comparisons. A person who is a paraplegic is a victim. Obese persons did it to themselves and have no self control. Excuse me but, do you really know the paraplegic was a victim and didn't do it to himself? I have a brother who frequently used excessive drugs and alcohol - who when often driving his motorcycle under these influences, crashed many, many times before finally causing his own paraplegic demise.
Our society is gaining weight at a rapid rate. Our fashion models are often struggling to maintain nearly unhealthy weights to be "role models" to girls and women and society in general. Many struggles include bulimia, starvation, yo-yo diets and weight loss drugs.
Sometimes I think obesity comes down to this: an addiction that shows. If I were addicted to drugs or alcohol, over-spending or sex, it isn't readily obvious upon first glance. But if I had a food disorder of overeating (without purging), it is pretty hard to hide.
The latest "fix" for those who can afford it, is the gastric bypass. Finally! The answer to obesity. Or is it? There is no medical data to support that a gastric bypass operation is safe -- 20+ years later. What happens to the bypassed body parts? Do they ever "die" or rot from no longer being functional? Do bypasses ever need to be reconnected and the stomach used again? Is it better to risk possible complications and cut short a life, in order not to be obese? Maybe. Maybe not. If being obese has cut in half a person's life due to impending medical maladies later in life, then maybe it is a coin toss. Fixing eating disorders with a surgical cause and effect style of treatment is one way to change lifestyle habits. After [the lifestyle habit of] overeating occurs (cause) - the individual vomits (effect). Eventually, the gastric bypass patient learns the boundaries of her/his food intake limitations. Voila! A lifestyle change quickly occurs, reducing the food focus with a negative stimuli.
I would invite those of you out there who are outwardly prejudiced against others - to step back and take a look inside yourselves. If you feel the urge to blurt out (did you know that is a treatable condition?) your opinions and unsolicited advice, stop yourself and ask - if you were in their shoes (you could be someday) - how would you like to be treated in society? If what you say demeans others in any way, it is likely there is something inside that needs to be reviewed. Blurting is the inability to restrain one's inner thoughts by verbalizing innapropriately in social situations. One who utters abruptly and impulsively, whatever is on their mind.
One of my favorite authors, Sue Grafton, nearly always points out in her books, that a character is overweight and in need of weightloss. Generally the reference is to being 20lbs overweight. But on some of her references, she goes into great detail about the morbidly obese. Since writers include some of their own biases in their work, what is writer Sue Grafton depicting in the thoughts of her main character, Kinsey? Ack! Is Sue really that intolerant of obesity, in general?
Excerpts from Cheryl's memoirs speaks of the joys, pains, and thought provoking life issues reviewed from one woman's perspective.
